There were days when I was younger that I would get away to the peace and quiet of a spring that ran along the back end of our property in Hope. When I needed to think, when I needed to seriously pray, when I needed to get away, that is where I went.
One spring day when I went there facing some big challenges (funny how I can't remember what they were now). I walked along the Live Oak lined gully that the spring trickled through. I had begun to feel the peace of God in me and I began to see that my problems were not so large. I really sensed that God was with me there.
Then, my solitude was broken by the sound of a pack of barking snarling dogs. The sounded like they were somewhere down the gully on our neighbors property. They were some distance away, but as I listened, it sounded like they were coming my way. Thoughts began to race through my head, where did these dogs come from and what kind where they? It did not sound like they were some one's cow dogs rounding up our neighbors cattle. They sounded like this was a pack of angry dogs up to no good. There was a knot in the bottom of my stomach, what if they continue down this gully and see me? I did not want to find out what that would be like. Stories of dog attacks I had heard from the past sprang to mind.
I decided to run out of the gully and try to get to our truck before they could get to me. I made to the truck, out of breath and more than a little relieved. Then I stopped to listen again. I could hear the dogs in the distance, they were actually going away from me, still barking, snarling and sounding like they were fighting something. I was safe.
Then the oddest thought came to my mind - the disciples in the garden with Jesus as he prayed and Judas came with a mob to arrest him. They had all run away. I suddenly got a glimpse of what it must have been like. They were in the presence of the one who stilled their storms, brought them peace and guided their souls. Then something interrupted their solitude, an angry mob. I am sure they felt an even bigger knot than I did and they ran.
I understood then as I understand now, that fear can rob you of a lot of peace. The desire to survive in the presence of a threat can quickly overwhelm the presence of the one who brings peace. I felt ashamed. I had been there with God, gotten afraid and I had run away to save myself. I have never looked down on the disciples about their running again. I can see how easily it could have happened. They saw a real mob and saw their evil intent. I heard dogs in the distance and imagined what they might do.
The good news is that the one who brings us peace does not run but comes looking for us even in our fear, to bring us an even greater peace. I am glad I have a gracious God. I am thankful for the fear his son faced and overcame. When I think of what he faced, it gets me ready to truly worship him.
For the journey...
Tim
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